Strengthening the vision?

Okay so the vision is supposed to be: ~somewhat~ Working with children. In working with children they find a strong happy place inside themselves and in those around them. As they grow, they grow up strong and confident. If they get lost or scared they feel a connection to the Lord because in those times is where they learned this strength.

I do not want them to remember who taught them this lesson. Remembering me is not something I want. What I want them to remember is feeling safe and confident inside the walls of the church. This way when something inevitably bad happens in their lives that throws them off their balance they will remember where to find safety and confidence instead of going down a path of self destruction.

In the vision casting books, I am currently reading; they tell me that sometimes things come up in life that look like they are stepping stones to our visions but they are actually things that help us put them off. That is not what I want to do. I have been at jobs before, like the day care that zapped all the self esteem out of me. I was broken, beaten and literally bleeding everyday when I left that place. I had very little self worth. What kept me going then were two things: the first was that I know if I did not come in there were certain times of the day where I was the only standing in the way from some of those children and the other children that would physically harm them and second was that I was going to Youth Connection in Bloom. Even with everything that was happening at the day care, all the things my boss said and accused me of, I never full on cried.

On Friday at the post office, I sunk into a corner and I cried. I broke down. That to me feels like it will hurt my vision more then what I want to do. How am I to help children, teach the to feel safe and secure in situations when suddenly I am in a corner baling my eyes out? (I cried at the church a few months ago when something happened there too). If I am not feeling safe in these places how can I lie, and teach these kids to be?

Currently, it's the off season for children's ministry at church so I am at a bit of a stand still with that anyway. I think as I pray, reflect and plan on the children part of my plan I need to do something else too. I have to make a new active effort to get a new job outside of the postal service (hopefully in my field). If I don't feel safe and confident, I can't teach others to be right? God doesn't want us to stay in places that cause us harm right? Is this putting off my vision or is this going to strength it? If I have more confidence in one area of my life, like my job, that would translate into other areas as well, like my ministry, right?

Can't Be Treated This Way

A Continuation...

By the time I had a break in the angry customers at 2:30 I was furious! Why not? Not only did my office lose a whole day’s revenue, the main office was going to see the computer data as so late and I had just had customers screaming at me for a little over two hours. I had lost a few very important accounts because I was no longer reliable enough to be open on days I should be.

So I call the postmaster of my APO. I ask her if there was anything she wanted to tell me about my office yesterday. She says no. I get angrier very quickly. I ask her if she is sure. She tells me that there was no one there until 3 and that I can’t just do that. At this point already I am pretty sure I am yelling. I tell her I was promised coverage. She said she never promised me coverage and asks where I got that idea from. I tell her which of her underlings promised me it. She tells me I should be cross at that women instead of her. I said fine then give me to her but she didn’t. [Now this woman is the postmaster of this facility that means she is in charge of everyone else there. Someone else gave me the promise of coverage okay I get that but look how quickly she passed the blame instead of admitting there must have been a problem in communication between her and her underlings.] She did not pass me off to anyone instead she started to yell at me. Now of course I’m upset and angry. I told her that since I’ve opened today all that has happened is people have yelled because I was closed so yeah, I’m cross.

Instead she yells at me for taking off. She’s trying to make me the villain because I took a day. My last day off for something nonmedical was April 26^th for First Communion (She was not even here yet) and before that was the end of December. Other than that I take one day of every three months for my medical treatment which is medical and I can prove documentation which I state on the form and that was yesterday. She kept yelling at me until I cried. How dare she? It was medical. She doesn’t have the right to do that and I won’t stand for that. I don’t deserve to be treated poorly for that. Normally I strive not to be treated or act and differently even though I have this disability, that why no matter how bad a migraine I have I still go to work. I might be barely there and have taken my most powerful medication but I still try my best. She cannot make me feel guilty for that. Bitch.

If today is a day that the Lord has mad; Sometimes he can be mean

Worst Day at the Post Office EVER!! Before today I loved my job. Before today I was really hedging on looking for a new job even though I knew I would have to start looking for one eventually. Today. After I finish this post, I am going to start sending out applications.

I requested off yesterday. Now when I say that, I mean I requested 3 mos. ago to be off work for migraine treatments yesterday. I ending up having to request the day 3 times!! My Administrative Post Office (APO) kept “losing” my form. Last week I sent emails to the postmaster and all the supervisors of my APO asking if they had coverage for yesterday. I didn’t hear anything for 2 days. Everyday our USPS emails are full of postmasters saying they have ppl looking for work or it is some sort of emergency and they need a sub quick. So I did that. I sent a mass email just like everyone else, this is the second time in three years I have ever done anything like this. I made a point in the email to write that it was not the current APO postmaster’s fault I did not have coverage that it was the pm who had just left. That same day I got a phone call from one of the supervisors at the APO. She yelled at me but I saw that coming. She just kept telling me how the postmaster was upset, the postmaster was offended and how hard the postmaster worked. She was telling me how I should have approached them first. [Obviously these people do not check their inboxes unless it is something big because I informed her how I did that. I also reminded her that the supervisor I was talking to was the very one who less than a month before was pissed off that the new postmaster wasn’t helping her and told me if I could resolve my own staffing issues to do it]. The only really important thing that happened out of that phone call was that she assured me I would be covered for yesterday.

I come into work today and there is a very angry man waiting for me. He’s yelling at me because No one was here at 1pm yesterday and again at 3pm. I spent the next 2 hours getting angry complaints from customers with similar stories. I had two days’ worth of mail waiting for me and all my data that has timestamps and the caller id on the phone proved their story. My post office box holders come in like clockwork and they confirmed the story. If my office was open at all it was open from 3:30 to 4:15! That’s it.

To Be Continued...