Strengthening the vision?

Okay so the vision is supposed to be: ~somewhat~ Working with children. In working with children they find a strong happy place inside themselves and in those around them. As they grow, they grow up strong and confident. If they get lost or scared they feel a connection to the Lord because in those times is where they learned this strength.

I do not want them to remember who taught them this lesson. Remembering me is not something I want. What I want them to remember is feeling safe and confident inside the walls of the church. This way when something inevitably bad happens in their lives that throws them off their balance they will remember where to find safety and confidence instead of going down a path of self destruction.

In the vision casting books, I am currently reading; they tell me that sometimes things come up in life that look like they are stepping stones to our visions but they are actually things that help us put them off. That is not what I want to do. I have been at jobs before, like the day care that zapped all the self esteem out of me. I was broken, beaten and literally bleeding everyday when I left that place. I had very little self worth. What kept me going then were two things: the first was that I know if I did not come in there were certain times of the day where I was the only standing in the way from some of those children and the other children that would physically harm them and second was that I was going to Youth Connection in Bloom. Even with everything that was happening at the day care, all the things my boss said and accused me of, I never full on cried.

On Friday at the post office, I sunk into a corner and I cried. I broke down. That to me feels like it will hurt my vision more then what I want to do. How am I to help children, teach the to feel safe and secure in situations when suddenly I am in a corner baling my eyes out? (I cried at the church a few months ago when something happened there too). If I am not feeling safe in these places how can I lie, and teach these kids to be?

Currently, it's the off season for children's ministry at church so I am at a bit of a stand still with that anyway. I think as I pray, reflect and plan on the children part of my plan I need to do something else too. I have to make a new active effort to get a new job outside of the postal service (hopefully in my field). If I don't feel safe and confident, I can't teach others to be right? God doesn't want us to stay in places that cause us harm right? Is this putting off my vision or is this going to strength it? If I have more confidence in one area of my life, like my job, that would translate into other areas as well, like my ministry, right?