Today I went out with the bride and groom. We went and did a
food tasting for the wedding. We also went and had ice cream and played mini
golf like we used to. We had a great time. I had voiced my concerns to the
groom before but I voiced them again. I’m scared to see our friends. We ended
on such bad blood. I am actually afraid to see people I used to spend all my
time with. (Honestly, I hate the fact I am afraid of them because I still love
them).
He promised me that everyone made the same deal with him
that I had made. All axes would be buried for the day. How sad is it that a
group of people who used to feel a fierce feeling of loyalty for each other
have to do that. There was a time when a simple argument would never have torn
us apart like they because outsiders of our group would never have torn us
apart like that. I remember when I would have fought tooth and nail for those
boys. Heck, I remember some times when I tried, and other times when I grabbed
some of those boys out of harm’s way before things got to dangerous.
What happened? What got in the way of that? I want those
feelings of love towards them still without the constant need to fight to prove
it like I had back then, I wonder if that is possible? For years in that group,
no one ever questioned anyone’s loyalty because friendship ruled. When did that
go south? How can I translate those feelings of dedication and companionship
into the friendships I see in the children’s in my classrooms today and how can
I use the loyalties I showed then as a symbol to these children that I can be
trusted.
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