It’s everybody else I’m scared off. I know every groomsman in the wedding party. They are all part of the group we used to hang out in when I was in high school. I loved these boys like my brothers, they meant the world to me.
When my high school sweetheart, Matt and I broke up we both started to make some dumb choses. Both he and I turned kind of slutty for a while. Somehow I got caught up dating a guy who was really verbally and emotionally abusive to me years before and was being kind of terrible this time too. I actually broke it off with him every day for a week but he just kept pretending it didn’t happen. So I started going on with my life while he had not. This was a bad choice. My friends were mad at me and instead of repairing the problem I ran away.
I didn’t try to make contact with them again for a long time. It was really hard too. There was even a rumor going around that I got some of them fired from their jobs. I would never have done that. I loved them. And the ones who were fired, they were the ones who helped me through my break up with Matt. As far as I am still concerned, they saved my life, I would have failed out of college. Three years with the same person being such a core in my life, I was spiraling out. I didn’t really know what parts of my life were me and what parts were Matt, but they helped me.
So the part about this wedding that I’m most scared of is seeing these people who have not spoken to me since 2007. I know a lot of lies and drama was spread around after I left. I’m scared of being completely ignored by people I once used to see as my brothers.
Besides the bride and groom there is only one other person from that old group who talks to me and even though I was holding a secret for him as the time, I know they already are excited to get to see him. I’m afraid of being all alone at this wedding reception. It was so hard for me to adjust to life without them 7 years ago. I’m afraid of repeating that pain. Does that make sense?
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